day eleven

i made a cup of black tea. i don't feel guilty. black tea is a grey area - i had it on days one and two. it's just so grey outside... i was listening to some upbeat jazz, but now i've just got this one george harrison song on repeat. it's better. it feels the way i feel.

music used to be a big mood-setter for me. now it's usually just background music. how sad. i mean, i still get pleasure from playing it, but it used to help me connect more strongly with myself.

we're going to the city this weekend. it's supposed to be miserable road conditions. the dumpling is going to my parents' for saturday night and we are going to stay with our friend fielding. he lives a few doors down form the wife, but doesn't live with four children, so we are staying there instead of at the zoo.

current nicknames for the dumpling include the pork chop, pigeon, grublet, monkey and endless variations on her actual name. she went through another growth spurt and is starting to resemble an actual child; just a tiny, tiny version of one.

here is a louder version of the george harrison song if you use tinny computer speakers like me.

i'm going to go sweep out an empty hank now. fitting? maybe. 

late night on day nine

i can't sleep, so i guess i'll blog instead. that's a promising start to this entry, which will surely be pithy and grammatically correct.

here, read this entry instead. it's more interesting. or read notes from my friend in jail for not even protesting the g20. the blog belongs to one of her co-accused, but that entry is all hers.

for some reason, i thought the second week of the cleanse/detox would be easier. i mean, i'm past all the physical withdrawal symptoms (which were really just coffee) and i've developed all my interim coping mechanisms (which are really just tea) and i'm over halfway done, so what's the problem? the problem is that coffee is my friend and now i'm lonely. and without a glass or two of wine at the end of the day, i actually have to admit that i get pissed off and crabby about shit.

i journaled a bunch of crabby attitude to get it out. now i have a headache and it's late and i still don't want to go to bed. there are other things going on in my life but i don't feel like blogging them, so now i don't feel honest. some things are too private: either positive or terrifying, they are still in the cocoon, and i don't want to give the butterflies stage fright. not on their first time, you know?

our provincial election sucked, by the way. oh well. i think i'll just sit here in the dark.

if i won the lottery (which i have no tickets for) i would move to the town the awesomes live in. 

day seven

ahoy. happy earth day. today we went out to ya ha tinda, the only federally operated horse ranch in canada (they train horses to patrol national park boundaries), and had a picnic and a wee hike. the dumpling's first hike! she insisted on climbing tiny hills in her little pink runners. she huffed and puffed and her hat almost blew away. we saw some of the bighorn falls (most of the falls was still frozen - ah spring). the only wildlife we saw were a couple of eagles (and deer, i suppose, but once you live outside of the city, deer seem less like wildlife and more like large, suicidal rabbits). it was incredibly windy; less rice cereal and cheddar bunnies, and the dumpling may have blown away.

the weekend has been lovely, though a little more difficult in terms of the detox: new challenges. but we persevered (and ate a little bit of chocolate and some cheese)! i wasn't, for some reason, looking forward to the weekend. i think i like my routine, and my alone time during the dumpling's daily nap. but now, sunday evening, i feel sad that the weekend is over. we had friends over, we played cards and laughed, we ate celery instead of chips and drank tea instead of beer. and we had a great time. the weather finally came through and we all have pink cheeks now. we enjoyed ourselves.

hank (remember hank?) is getting a makeover! i cleaned out all the dishes n blankets n stuff, and the queen is ripping up the carpet and taking out the table and cupboards and crib he put in. by may long weekend (hopefully) there will be hardwood floors, room for a small wood stove, bunk beds (no, we are neither pregnant again nor planning a second child, it's just practical) and did i mention hardwood floors wow!! then hank will get a nice scrubdown and prettied right back up, with the magnetic poetry all over the ceiling, a few less windows and no doubt, an olive curled up somewhere soft (she quite likes the bus, and i think it's mutual).

and so. time continues to pass. the provincial election is tomorrow. 

day four

i think i'm past the super cranky detox stage! now into the "are we there yet?" sad sighs. the community bus took us into town this morning, and we had to walk past all the goodies (baddies). so we bought strawberries for the queen and i (and cheddar bunnies for the dumpling). also, detox tea, lemons, broccoli. sigh.

are you aware "they" make rainbow bread? a loaf of bread dyed all the shades of easter, available at the co-op. it's really messed up. "did you get your daily dose of yellow no. 4? try our freshly dyed bread!" creepy.

i had a wonderful dream about ordering a milkshake. in the end, i couldn't get espresso for it, which made me sad. i think i got mango instead. even my dreams are decaffeinated. i distinctly remember wanting three shots of espresso. i could visualize the layers...

the dumpling is getting quite fervent in her pointing, but sometimes i think she just points to get a reaction. either that or she's excited about things i can't see. i suppose that's a reasonable option. current favourite destinations for her crooked little finger include the ceiling fan, the guitar, and our cat, but only when she sits on the fence outside the kitchen window and stares at us. peeping tom cat.

we're contemplating driving up to the city, but i'm sort of bored with the idea. since the wife works weekends, we don't really see her anyway. fate is plotting to fill all of the houses we can stay at with dogs (i'm allergic) and newborn babies. no thanks. there's one friend i should call though. and it would be nice to see her. it's just such a long drive, and it's supposed to be so nice this weekend, who wants to spend it in a car?

day two

the queen and i are doing a detox. no booze, smoke, coffee, sugar or junk food for the foreseeable future. it's just been a little too fun lately, so we thought we should bring more clean living into our days. we went out last weekend with the queen's brother and bijou to see a "doors" cover band, it was hysterically funny. i can't even get into it. faux morrison was dressed to the nines - leather pants, hair style, etc. but yeah, i got a bit too happy :( i even bailed on the gluten-free and ate pizza! scandal, i know. so no more toxins until i'm happy without them.

the coffee is pretty hard for me. i'm having trouble waking up, and then i'm having trouble falling asleep. last night i was up until four. it was super fun waking up this morning.

the queen got a root canal today too. poor guy. i'll be puréeing his soup this evening. i'm pretty focused on fresh vegetables and herbs for the duration of the cleanse (there's oregano and sage in the soup), but it was snowing AGAIN this morning, and i just had to cook something up. plus potatoes are pretty weird raw. i've done it, but i was hitchhiking. there weren't many options. i stopped at one. raw onion was pretty fun too.

but i digress. not that i have anything to -gress back to. five hours of sleep yay!

all things something else

i have been avoiding talking about all the feeling stuff for a while; my life's evolution, my purpose, my level of satisfaction about all things not dumpling. most of my life i have found value in processing my emotions, but right now i am finding value in the opposite. i feel better keeping busy. i do have time now to "figure something out" but i would rather not. i'm not sure it's the most valuable way to spend my time right now. i don't think i would benefit from mulling anything over right now.

or maybe i am just avoiding facing something. either way, i think i have tended to err on the side of dwelling for most of my life, so whatever. let it go for now. if there's an elephant in the room, it will probably still be there.

when the awesomes left last weekend and the smoke cleared, i discovered that a little bird left four squash in a bag for us. i roasted them last night; two to be blended up for the dumpling, two went into a nice soup last night with beef, onions, mushrooms, cumin, s&p, some freshly grated nutmeg and a touch of molasses. our sudden spring snow yesterday evening made it a good day for a stew like that.

snow was still falling this morning, making spring seem like a dream, or today like a nightmare. not a terrifying wake-up-screaming dealio, more like the depressing, repressive kind where you eat grey food and wake up feeling like you've been taken by the borg. but even with all this greyness, i can't keep still. i'm going to wash the basement floor and bake something with these seriously brown bananas. i've already unpacked my summer shoes because i DON'T CARE IF IT'S SNOWING IT'S STILL SPRING. WINTER IS NOT ALLOWED. thank you.

all things dumpling

the tiny cutie deserves a whole entry.

most nights, after she is asleep, i miss her. yes, i know, this is ridiculous.

she has increased her scooting speed enough that the queen put up the baby gate today. sadly, it separates the cat from the cat food. oh well. more importantly, it separates the baby from the stairs.

she now says "puppy", although i've noticed that she will learn a word, say it for a few days and then store it away somewhere (hopefully) and move on.

the way her face lights up when she sees the queen, either of the grandmothers or any small person is enough to make your heart soften to room-temperature butter.

a friend of ours picked her up a pink pegasus costume, which she looks adorable in. of course, since she looks adorable in everything, i'm sure you assumed.

the queen plays "chase" with her, and i am her escape vehicle. she, of course, has to stop and turn around every now and then, to make sure he is still chasing (sometimes he "falls asleep" in the hallway, like a dragon of fairy tales). in related matters, she hugs me fiercely, which i appreciate and reciprocate.

so yes, she flirts, smiles, dances, eats, drinks, sleeps and scoots in a very little dumplingish way. since we started feeding her a huge bowl of rice (and quinoa and oat) cereal every evening, she happily sleeps through the night.

her favourite foods are toast and avocado, lentil soup, fruit snacks, and all things carbohydrate. she dislikes stringy foods, like sweet potatoes, homemade canned peaches, and usually but not always, bananas.

she is this big: when seated on the bottom step to get her shoes put on, she can touch the floor with her tiny toes. of course she is seated on the edge of the step, not far back. don't be ridiculous - she's not that big. although the queen has an obsession with her size - her back is huge, she is a very big girl, even her tiny boogers are ginormous to him.

if anyone could bring world peace through cuteness, i suspect (and i am not biased, no) it would be this little dumpling.

mud is glorious

so!

the house was warmed by our lovely visitors! then we took off to the awesomes' place and warmed their house. it got downright hot out there! the littlest possum had a birthday, the older possum had a concert (she sang "your cheatin' heart" by hank williams, and totally rocked it), mrs awesome played a show AND there was childcare, which i totally took advantage of. the dumpling came through loving life even more (if possible) and has finally learned some mobility - she scoots. sitting on her bum, pulling herself forward with her hands. poor large-headed grublet, it's so tough balancing a watermelon on a peroghy.

it finally feels like spring (i think i said that a couple of weeks ago) - muddy, breeze from somewhere other than the north, choice in jackets not limited to wool or lined... the windows open, the flies coming to life, the cats coughing up fur balls... i hope to let the spring into my blood. i hope to come to life as well.