scattering leaves

you know when you feel like writing but you aren't sure what to say, and the post feels sort of masturbatory? occasionally, really great stuff comes out, but sometimes you just wank for a while.

still whipping together the last bits of end-of-time stuff. last day at work this week; appointments with banks to get off of signing authority for the non-profit i am quitting; trying to scramble together little stuff for the bus; having tea with all of the people i should see more often; trying to finish all the media i have signed out from the bookstore; it basically feels like i am trapped in an evil world of errands. although it's nice to see these people i have been visiting with.

last night i had tea with my cousin. yes, i have a cousin who lives in the city. actually i have two. and i never see them. yes, this is sad. honestly, it took my cousin and i two weeks to figure out when we each had free time that overlapped. it was ridiculous. we probably spent as much time planning as we did visiting. but anyway. she gave me a picture of my immediate nuclear family that i had never seen. taken in the early eighties, it has my mom with long straight hair, parted in the middle, wearing a classic hippie/artist black sweater. my dad, my cousin says, has a sam elliott look (i think it's the moustache and denim vest that sends her that way) and my sister and i are about 8-9 and 3-4 respectively. i have the stunned-kid look (this was my look for the first six years of my life) and my sis has a big missing-tooth grin. it's a great pic. i brought it home and showed the wife, who said "dude i've never seen a picture of your dad before." there aren't a lot. and i didn't have one of the four of us. it's lovely.

the queen is down at the farm, getting the bus ready and working with his brother. i know it's silly to miss him right before we got on a long road trip together, but i do. because i am silly.

obligatory pregnancy update:
the belly is growing. the baby kicks, softly for now. i have been able to eat more adventurous things, and go for longer periods without nausea. this is quite lovely. i have even successfully experienced some cravings for things like apple pie and deli meat. nutrition nazis: i am eating the vitamins and drinking the omegas. can someone please have a scotch-fueled night of brazen iniquity for me? thanks. i am developing a waddle. it's weird to walk with something hanging between your hips. you try it. i imagine it's also weird to rattle back and forth between someone's hips while they're walking somewhere. have you ever thought about how weird it is, this whole pregnancy thing? it's right up there in weirdness with eating eggs.

winter approaches, eh? moose are growing their extra coat of insulation, the snow dogs are in training, and i'm trying to find low-rise long johns. the wife hopefully reports a high of 24° this weekend (that's 75° to my 1.5 american readers), but the queen reports snow two hours south. he says the bus is cozy. through the greasy window of errands, i see the future and it is cozy.