a punching bag and a box of tissues

augh! hormones.

due to some kind of work-related reason that i don't understand, i am working four days/one night instead of all days at work. and for some reason, this is terrible. i worked nights for a long time, and liked it, so what's one day a week? it's a lot, i guess. now i'm all passing out early and getting up early to vomit, so the last few hours of the night shift suck. my resistance seems to be down - you know the resistance inside of you that convinces you maybe other people aren't out to get you, or that the world isn't full of imbeciles, or your co-worker didn't mean to hurt your feelings? that resistance. it has been worn down by months of morning sickness, of not being able to keep down the spicy food i love, of feeling bloated all the time, of packing away another pair of pants i can no longer fit into.

no wonder people are nice to pregnant women. half self-defence, half empathy.

so, have i explained the roadtrip? i can't remember. we bought a converted school bus and are going on a roadtrip before the baby is born. heading east to the atlantic provinces, then south to new orleans, then wandering back through the desert and pacific coastal highway (or whatever). we'll be back by solstice. i guess it's an equinox-to-solstice trip. or almost.

the bus is fucking incredible. bought last year by a c&w musician, and converted in a comfortable and cozy way (beds, carpet, very few sharp angles, good storage, low-tech), it was sold to us recently by said musician, who said he wasn't going on the road much these days (and implied the lovely woman next to him may have contributed to said decision). the queen has already installed a propane heater. we have a couple of camping stoves, and the 'fridge' is a cooler that drains through a hole in the floor. there's a chamber pot for emergencies, and we'll be hitting up friends and swimming pools for our hygienic needs.

i'm really excited. i have longed to return to the east for years. i have promised to visit my dear friend in new orleans for months. i have had my job for a year without taking off more than a few days.

preparing for such a trip is kind of all i do when i am not working. everything is packed into 'take', 'baby' and 'later', since we aren't totally sure what will happen when we get back. our plans are to stay in a small town near where the midwives are. we are considering buying a place near the queen's brother (i refuse to nickname all of his brothers. it's confusing enough as it is). we don't want to make an offer on it right away; it seems a bit rushed for such a big decision (says the pregnant-after-three-months-of-seeing-the-father woman). so we will think and talk it over while on the road.

anyway, i am trying to think about the trip right now in an attempt to cheer myself up from the ragingly frustrated mood i have been in since last night. which i want to talk out but feel too unhinged at the moment to do so. not that anything terrible happened (it didn't) just that i feel incapable of dealing with emotions right now. grrr/sob. well, off to distract myself. if thisis the worst mood i get into while pregnant, i'm golden.

cookies, anyone?