July 6, 2009

re-visiting old haunts

i was gifted a link to an awesomely juicy and freedom-affirming blog of a woman who engages willingly and intelligently in casual sex. her mind and attitude resonate for me on a level of curiosity and openness. it seems like the reader can watch her sense of discernment grow, but not into a strict dichotomy of good and bad; the wealth of her experiences teach her about herself and her preferences as well as the interpersonal smorgasbord of 'what's out there'.

i've also checked back in with non-violent communication's sets of needs and emotions (scroll down), because i was having trouble figuring out what need i was meeting with a certain action. i start with an emotion, and then trace it back to a need usually, but this time one set of needs stuck out for me (the autonomy set, this time more specifically freedom, space and spontaneity). when i checked out the emotions that accompanied an experience of my needs being met, i identified with rejuvenated and renewed, as well as, to a lesser degree, empowered.

the reason i wanted to trace the action back to see what need it was meeting is that it's a potentially volatile action, and these types can often be sourced in a paranoia or delusion as opposed to honest expression of needs. and really, i'm sure there's a mix in there. i think i am also acting in this way to maintain space between myself and another person specifically. a person with whom i also actively try and spend time with. because being human isn't interesting enough, apparently now i must be human while falling in love. great. bring out the clowns.

in connection with all this, i've tried to lend this book to a special friend, only to discover mine's been out on the road for some time and requires tracking down. i could do with a re-read myself. experience has drawbacks in that one tends to think knowledge defies the likeliness of mistakes. over here in shared-experience land, experts fuck up just like the rest of us.

come forth with humility. know what preciousness we are risking with all this activity. act slowly and with integrity. factor in the unexpected (i love actually trying to do this).

stay to see the results.

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