May 3, 2009

that roadsign doesn't apply to me

wondering, wondering.

i feel fiercely again, but what of it? the massive emotion train, as lively as it is, can simply take me in circles. dropping me off, exhausted, at square one. where i collapse and stay in a cheap, smelly hostel.

yet the scent of something new is tempting, sexy. and i somehow feel more a part of life when i get excited about change. like i'm renewing my membership to the evolving spiral.

but yeah, i feel a distinctive nervousness: what if i fuck it up? anxiety is ever near, threatening to grab the bullhorn. too tense to calm down, of course. when else would i need to calm down... and down from where? from the high jump of spring. please god, let me land on the mat. i'll be a good kid, i promise.

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