January 6, 2009

she's okay.

green grass and long days are not outside, but they are more coming than leaving now. some day in the next six weeks, it will still be light out when i get home from work.

people have all gone home again. the lovers are in love. the cat has a cold. and me? i venture forth from the upstairs occasionally. i groom myself. i show up at work. i pay my rent. this is winter, and this is enough. and while this time of year; dark, cold, broke, can often depress me, i am calling on softness within to remember that inside my head is an okay place to be.

a friend of mine has this krishnamurti quote up on his wall: "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." right. thanks. sometimes i forget that the distress i feel isn't necessarily mine. ahh, empathy. found this great blog about empaths. it's nice when i don't roll my eyes within the first paragraph. no, i don't need to "take the quiz" nor do i need to "come to terms" or "awaken my sleeping empath", thanks. i remember when a friend passed on the attributes of an empath to me. "oh," i said. i've never been so well described by someone who has not met me as in that list of seven or so characteristics. was speaking with yet another friend (i really don't get out much, honest) about how to set up semi-permeable membranes for my emotional state. because i don't want to set up a barrier. i don't want to be blind. i actually LIKE feeling a room full of people's emotions. i just want to continue feeling like me during that process. i guess it's a matter of grounding and strengthening my own sense of self, then. get back on the be-train.

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