September 12, 2008

kwan yin rides again

i've been remembering grace. you know, when someone's a total turd to you, and you opt to let it go? i've definitely forgotten that, and been locked up in ideas of Justice (ie revenge) and Properness (ie treating me the way i think i deserve). kids are great at reminding me of the importance of compassion. many people rise to the challenge when quietly given the opportunity to do so, and besides, i'm not interested in focusing on the shortcomings of others.

previously, i'd expressed an interest in full disclosure, but i'm learning that it can be a sign of respect to not drag someone out into the limelight when they eff up. most of us, if we're honest with ourselves, know when we've errred. feedback is important, but is there really a need to go on and on about it, blow it out of proportion, or make a person feel worse? i think not. unless it's a big fucking deal, like hate crimes, genocide, repeated assault, etc.

i've definitely experienced some randomly crappy behaviour directed my way. and certainly i've been the giver of smarmy judgment masked by an attitude of pretentious "well-meaning" or "constructive feedback". being judged is a lousy feeling. when i've effed up, i know it. and you know it. and we know each other knows it. so either we move on or we part ways and move on. do i really need to "let them know" my opinion so they can agree with me and i can feel good about knowing How To Behave?

fuck that. i don't need to change the behaviour of drivers, record store clerks, exes or other people's teenagers. i don't have to be "on record" as vehemently opposing someone's attitude.

i don't need to right every wrong. whew. that was a biggie.

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