September 18, 2008

blogger confused me

i feel old; i'm resisting change. i don't even remember what i wanted to blog about, because when i tried to sign in, blogger had a new, far more confusing method to sign me in, involving obtuse passwords. i mean, i am sober, and i've had coffee. why was that so hard?

taking a short break at work, intending to blog about... it's floating off in the distance of my brain, i know i can catch it, have some chana masala and ruminate for a moment. being grumpy? resisting change seems to be the theme. oh wait! i remember now: it was about letting the daily grind wear me down.

as autumn persists, my days get shorter mentally as well. i stop earlier, give up sooner, do less. and to some degree, that's lovely. take a break! rest! north americans have a shortage of rest vibes floating around. i do my best work when i do less of it.

but! that's not the same as letting the day float away from my good things. writing, keeping things tidy, flossing; these bring me peace, a sense of being present and taking care of myself. and judging from the skirts of previous days piled up (on my bed by day, on the floor by night), dishes on the table (not fly-worthy yet, but soon), empty pages and zonked out me, it isn't joyful nothing. it's drained nothing.

my roommate purchased some liquid vitamins, and i think i might go the same way. liquid is absorbed more easily by our bodies than solids, and it just feels right to dose myself with B goodness and all such. it's not like i've been very inspired to eat. (thinking guiltily about too-soft avocado in my fruit bowl right now) i could use an external boost.

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