and then there was the end of my day

ah, the inevitable low-down. hello, bummedness! it hasn't been long enough.

today i watched miss marple and ate. good food! spinach salad, tomato beef stew with pasta, rice crackers with almond butter and tiny pickles, apples, mandarin oranges, toast with avocado (and toast with cream cheese, and toast with red pepper spread).... and then there were the gluten-free cupcakes - chocolate of course, and the end-of-day snack; a rice bowl with braggs and veggies. cuz, you know. snacks are part of a healthy diet. mmhmm.

it was like i actually grew a hollow leg, which usually only happens to other people. that is seriously three times as much as i tend to eat.

the dumpling ate right alongside me, except, um, the cupcakes. chocolate is so bad, you know. i better eat it all, just to err on the side of cocoa-sated, conscientious parenting.

she doesn't really like raw spinach either. so far, she draws the line right after cucumber, and pretty much before any other vegetable (unless it's cooked). more of a fruit and bacon kind of child, you say? no no no, it's early yet! her predisposition toward lentils and hummous might really take her places!

but yeah, the post-festival low.

i talked to some people, and laughed with the dumpling, and spent time outside. the day passed. i kinda miss... stuff. my old life. decompressing all week long in the city, from the fair, with the other fancy, dancy people. having the time for that. being in the same space as more people i do these kinds of things with.

le sigh. 

mosquito bites on my sunburn!

listening to the american analog set whilst the dumpling naps.

we got home from a wonderful fair last night, and pretty much slept in the doorway. picking up the dumpling from my parents' was a lovely moment. she had clearly enjoyed herself but still needed to touch us a lot. i told her i concurred completely.

i did accomplish all i set out to do!

- wander off
- get drunk in the middle of the afternoon, then sleep it off and party at night (i did this on the sunday, after completing my volunteer hours)
- rock out volunteering with lockup (schlepping forever! and a day!)
- participate in the informal lost n found of the fair (lost my toque, found a flashlight)
- swim in the river (oh god. really. god. god was the entire river. i found religion and it is the driftpile river.)
- eat smokies and bacon
- eat fresh fruit
- laugh hysterically
- do the stage tour, where i see every band for twenty minutes, and find many good souls along the way
- take care of other people (and then other people took care of me. oh the wonders of it all.)
- wear my faery wings (leading to the stage manager calling me 'wings', which i really enjoyed.)
-wear rubber boots! it finally rained sunday night, so there was mud. i know the dumpling would have rocked it, but i'm sure she rocked the bowls of water my mom set out for her every day. water = best kid toy ever. bowl and spoons are a close second.

the music was, of course, fantastic. fred penner was ill and absent, but the mad bomber society and tzadeka both play a wild live show, and the bits i caught of snfu, flying fox, mike dunn and whoever those guys were who were rocking out the volunteer party were all fabulous. also, the kitchen party looked really hot.

now i am missing the fair. i am not sad yet; aiming for happiness but probably achieving desperation... nonetheless, enjoying myself. desperately.

there were highlights, but they are strange and inexplicable (even i didn't understand what was with all the clubbing). i hope that my peeps got home safe. some i know are still up in the city, and the awesomes might be facing power outages and funnel clouds.

so it goes; onward. enthusiasm flags and is renewed. 

i know where my towel is

just in case you were wondering, it's still hella windy here. the wind blew in clouds, and then blew them around, after which it rained. then the wind blew the clouds away, so now it's sunny and windy. repeat. (it makes the trees look like they are freaking out.)

the wife came to visit! she is so unwife-like - it looks good on her. that's what happens when you quit cohabitating i guess. your wife is no longer your wife, but she's still hot. but to dub her my ex-wife makes me sad. are we separated? booooo!

with the so-called wife came batdog, the wife's mom and another gnome, one i've missed. last night, we had a small fire with the scrap wood from the bus insulation job and listened to the coyotes howling.

today they left, and i felt sad. i got over it, but it made me realize that i do miss other gnomes. the gnome home run was an epic one. half a block of friendlies! sometimes too friendly! since the bulldozers ran through the properties, the wife's mom calls it the 'gnome hole'.

the fair is this weekend! four hazy days away from the dumpling, who is hollering right now from the ring of neglect. she really enjoyed the company. she blossoms, really: i think she's a partier. she will be partying with my parents - good luck to them.

packing for the fair is exciting: bring summer things, including swimsuit for the river. bring winter things for the night time. bring rainy things, because it will very likely rain. bring costumes. bring camping supplies. bring flask. bring shit-eating grin. if you're looking for us, we'll be at the back left (not stage left, left from where you stand at the entryway, dazed) by the swimming hole. although who knows where i'll be, really. i've heard the steam pod is going to be all sweet and non-political this year. sounds awesome.

pack towels. 

mondays are always weird

the weekend has been deemed successful.

we spent friday night out at the farm with our sweet lady hank. it rained all night and the sound of rain on a school bus roof is fantastic, let me tell you. so much so, we got a late start to the city, and showed up to the three-year-old's birthday after the clouds had rolled in, so no swimming for the dumpling. she did get to play in the purplesand box though, and probably still has purple sand in several tiny pockets of her invisible filth cloak.

and we got to eat many food items and have a "parents round" of tequila shots at the end :)

the dumpling and i met up with my mom and hung out for a bit, and the queen (who i'm considering re-naming brutus) went to the blues jam, from which he did not really return until the next morning (there were two glimpses of him in the interim, but i am determined to consider those sightings to be holographic images).

i was pretty exhausted saturday night. i'd been staying up late every night this past week working on the spoken word piece for fieldinbloom's album (that will be out on vinyl! but not for like, a year, because the second side is with his new band, so they need to tighten up first). we stayed at fieldinbloom's place and i wanted to hang out, but after a couple of glasses of wine, i followed the dumpling to bed and slept so well, i was up at seven the next morning, all chipper. it was strange.

sunday afternoon i went and did my piece at the studio. they liked it, but i wish my lungs were in better shape. no deep breathing, no yoga, no bike rides makes this mom a weak singer :( oh well. my arms are getting buff.

coming home last night was fabulous. laying on the couch in an old sesame street t-shirt with the queen after the dumpling retired for the evening with her precious blankie... oh my.

today i am enjoying myself, which is harder than it should be, but oh well. hammock, blogging, and listening to SNFU because they are playing the fair in a couple of weeks and it is so much more fun to know the music. i have already completed my daily house tasks, and a curried pumpkin soup is bubbling gently in the slow cooker (parsnips! water chestnuts! coconut milk!).

if you are pissed off at the idea of waiting a year to hear the song i contributed to, i can't share the neat drum beat and cool guitar bits, and i would feel weird sharing field's lyrics, but here's the line of mine he liked the best:

we can't set you free without you

random

check out this neat publication i found on the internet regarding depression, written by some folks at the university of coimbra, portugal. they worked with ninety people, "patients suffering from depressive symptoms and/or that find compassion difficult or scary." i love it. compassion can be terrifying. 


"For people suffering from depressive symptoms, having been shamed by an attachment figure may be a major block to develop self-compassion and receive compassion from others and may constitute an important obstacle to recovery."


amen. 

strange winds

the weather has been really wild here lately. i fucking love weather; how we cannot predict it, how quickly it changes in alberta and how fabulous it makes me feel. last night's thunderstorm was so loud i actually worried about trees falling on our house. the windstorm earlier in the week was also epic (how do the clouds fall into those shapes?), and now that the wind has blown away the mist from this morning (the dumpling and i were out foraging in the tall dandelions - so cute how they get her wet up to her waist!) i'm watching the trees get whipped around some more.

i'm having really weird maternal urges; daydreaming about more babies, adoptions, being foster parents... it's really freaky. i don't know what to do with myself. maybe there's some kind of herbs i can take? non-breeder medicinal capsules or something? :(

must remember morning sickness...

other than the weather and my barking ovaries, not much is happening. the dumpling says "teeth" and "sock" now. she has amazing tempo and is slowly gaining in mobility. her escape attempts from being diapered and pottied indicate that she has the skills. i think she just likes where she's at most of the time. still, we are about varied activities that inspire her to climb and hike and all that good stuff.

we are heading into town this weekend to go to a three-year-old's birthday bash and for me to help fieldinbloom on his album. i'm really enjoying coming up with some compassionate lyrics. a link to a completely different song by his completely different band can be found here.

posting!

june! hammocks, dandelions, bees, long sunsets, longer days, lousy albertan beaches.

my to-do list today included:
lay in hammock;
go to playground;
get eggs from liquor store;
have awesome bath;
wax legs;
mow lawn.

so far, i've done the legs, the eggs and the playground. that's how mellow it is.

i'm probably not even going to finish this blog entry.