April 26, 2010

howls and meowls

feeling restless. that hurry up and wait kind of restless. it's a full moon, but i swear all that weirdness already happened. tonight is tame by comparison. yet i am not mellow enough to come home and read. even though i am excited about the books barfing off my shelves.

do you ever have one of those periods in your life that are refreshing while reminding you of the past? refreshing because they offer you back some of the simplicity that change used to bring. these days it's all too easy to make change difficult, to count all the reasons against it, to look at the patterns and say they are stronger because i have failed this many times before. but for some reason, maybe just a new perspective on motivation, i feel change to be easier now than it has been in a while. clarity? or more illusion? who knows.

i feel like breaking my habits, just to see how that shakes down. not to be a different kind of person, just to see what i'm like when i get up and leave the house before drinking coffee, when i feel a desire but don't follow it, when i do the thing i am thinking of putting off.

nothing big, but not nothing. something full of nothing? another balloon popped, floating away.

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