November 1, 2009

show your cards

sometimes events are larger than they seem. thus i sum up my experience with swine flu. i'm usually not one to jump on the paranoia train: i find downtrodden neighbourhoods feel safe to me; i meet the eye of the scary person and they seem as trustworthy as anyone; i hear the news and roll my eyes. so when i caught the swine flu, i thought "oh well, at least i don't have to defend not getting the vaccine." i did not leap weakly into the air and write my last will and testament.

it was an interesting experience. still is, actually. that is one potent beast: one doth not leave the swine behind overnight. its severity ended up affecting me significantly enough to effect some changes. (there is a word nerd cheering inside me right now, do you know why?) it took off another layer of "do do do", encouraging me to lay my tools down and rest awhile. there are groups of people who know me as calm and measured, but i have a frantic train going, and it's taking me a long time to bring its speed down. this provocative illness has helped.

also, as every significant illness can do, it has strengthened my mind-body connection. i find the experience of monitoring my body from a resting place while it undergoes severe stress to be educational and awe-inspiring. i felt my heart racing and then slowing down again. i felt the significance of blockages. i learned where to put coolness and where to bring warmth. most importantly, i am learning to call a truce between my mind and body. what kind of fucker set a war between these two? don't they know it will last forever? the mind and body are yin and yang. any war would be perpetual and unforgiving. and that would be sad, considering the asses they can easily kick by working together. yay team me!

so not that i wish the swine of the apocalypse on anyone, i won't miss it. but i like what it's leaving me: a unified system and a cleaner slate of priorities. i do what i want, regardless of how unimportant it may seem. that's my unified mind-body, thanks, i won it back from the devil/teacher.

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