epic journey continues

seems like perspective is changing from "oh darn, i had a plan and now all these things are interrupting its delivery!" to "oh sweet, i made a plan and now all these things have come along to improve and contribute to it! how lovely."

daily diet struggles with invasions? or maybe... daily diet is laced with dinner invitations and gifts of food, after which it returns to its mellow healing nature. how lovely. how different. the thing different is what i call it, how i see it, how i respond to it; my attitude.

it wiped me out for a few days there. i was pretty indifferent to what i saw as a callous, empty, greedy existence. and this could arguably be the truth. that's why arguing another reality as true 'instead' isn't as effective. another perspective often is just as valid. the difference is whether or not we enjoy the moment, the task, our lives.

one might occasionally want to employ a negative reality as motivation to change: "this job is crappy! i'm updating my résumé on outta here." but i think sometimes we get to a better place, through our own work and the way things go, and forget to update our attitudes. which is sad, because it's sort of like forgetting to turn on the open sign. oops. just lost some opportunities.

or, "'oh look, i remembered life was sweet just in time to accept the very next opportunity that feels attractive."

coast and roll

the ups and downs have been the flavour of the day. in my health, i've noticed feeling alternately crappy and fantastic - signs of detox in motion. a regular customer at the restaurant my roommate works at commented on his favourite cross-country skiing weather, between zero and minus ten degrees celcius, as having been extremely rare this winter. other examples that aren't mine to offer seem also to indicate that the rollercoaster is a good symbol to be aware right now.

an internal grounding mechanism is vital in navigating a tumultuous external space.

right now, the grounding tool i am practicing is being embodied willingly. there have been times i have regarded my body as a prison. other times i become the prison guard resolutely crouching into a tight little ball, hunching over a computer screen, tolerating pain like it's some kind of endurance contest. even the 'healthy' things i did, i did to my body, not with it or for it. sudden dietary changes, hiking for hours without stretching, fasting, hardcore yoga, continually stretched beyond my body's boundaries; empty activities.

i've been doing some really mellow yoga recently. it's hard to feel upset or uncomfortable in these soft, resting poses. there is a list of supportive props they want you to start each session with: bolsters, pillows, three blankets, an eye pillow... and the people pictured doing the postures all look like they're sleeping. yes. this is the vibe i want to cultivate. i've had enough of 'the edge', thanks much, i'll take the hedge. and a hammock. and do these poses for an hour at a time. that will be my day, "whew! put in a hard day on the mat - eight hours, eight different resting poses. i am ready for my evening!"

chillin in the void

a friend told a friend, "the only thing you have to do today is breathe."

the harmony, the allowing, in that statement amazes me. it's snowing outside. i've sat all day doing very little. the little i have done sums up to even less. still, the brain requires days off, even if the brain doesn't want them. discussing with the brain its need for rest seems to be a conversation that happens slowly and many times.

i gave up coffee for yerba maté, and was pleased at the lack of caffeine headaches. then i skipped the maté yesterday, and received viciously interesting waves of increasing pressure through my skull and jaw. yummy. a quick glance at the wikipedia entry on the subject proved to be grimly enlightening: "Mate products are sometimes falsely marketed as 'caffeine-free' alternatives to coffee and tea," it says. Indeed.

i hope
i love
i feel grateful