stuffed-up doze.

i'm sick - again, still, dunno, who cares. don't need your sympathy (unless it comes in the form of dumpling-care) just want to disclaim any misuse of semi-colons.

linkety links: have you heard that meme about how women are half the population, blah blah blah and own less than one percent of the property and make one tenth of the money etc etc etc? it's apparently false. who knows what's true, but that's false.

next: have you listened to some odetta recently? please do.

gee, what else?

we were watching "three days of the condor" recently. i love how in the 70's, orange was a government colour. all the film CIA, FBI, WTF, they all have cheesy orange walls and "futuristic white" chairs. how wonderful. in the past, the future was funky.

i de-cluttered a particularly cluttered part of the house last week. i really think there needs to be a big ceremony and some ribbons when i do this: i feel like i've accomplished a major feat against insurmountable odds. the feeling is rather short-lived; the white space in our house is some kind of vacuum for stacks of papers and piles of tiny picks and screwdrivers. but for a moment there - it kind of looked like other people's houses when i go visit them.

the chinook is incredible - we got a huge load of snow (when they close parts of the highway named after the queen, things be snowy) last week, and had maybe two days to play in it before the warm winds came and magically turned it all into a river down our street with a lake at the t-intersection. the dumpling enjoyed stomping in puddles (sort of stomping. okay, nibbling with her toes).

anyway. this week's dream is to pitch in with a friend who wants to buy a campground and turn it into a permaculture educational thingie. hug your cat.

narnia?

so we went into the nearby, larger town on the community bus yesterday. it's mostly elderly women and us. the dumpling is a highlight of the journey for the rest of the bus crew of course. and as she has become more accustomed to it, she has started to speak up and demand more busyness on the trips. the freedom from the carseat is pretty fun for both of us.

on this most recent trip, the regular driver was away, and the substitute driver is a retired marathonist or something, because we were hoofing it! bumps and revs and passing other vehicles like they were horses. imagine a short bus zooming past you on hwy 2; elderlies clutching to the handles for dear life, baby bouncing around...

when i started this post, the dumpling was sitting in an empty laundry hamper, victim of a teddy infestation. now she is chilling by the toy box, playing with a plastic handmedown.

i am starting to dream of summer - gardens, festivals, and of course hank the bus. the queen is going back to the home country with his parents and some of the siblings. originally, the dumpling and i were going to go as well (she still flies free) but after some thought and dialogue, i decided to pass on the adventure and just chill here. but where will here be? i intend to have my driver's license by that time, so we can take little road trips or we can go stay somewhere, like the awesomes' or my parents' place (i haven't asked either of said parties but i'm pretty sure we would be well-received). but there's the cat and the (as of yet hypothetical) garden, and my peace of mind, which i'm pretty sure resides in my craft room in the basement. we'll see. maybe a drive out to the mountains and a houseguest or two.

have dreams. plant seeds.

baa baa tired sheep

ohmigolly, more me!

well, i wanted to write a real post; not a rant, some wordy weeping, or an exhausted recounting of a crazy weekend (oxford comma BAM). that was supposed to be the previous post, but :(

for days (including right now) the dumpling and i have been listening to this set on vinyl which is totally worth it and sadly sold out. i guess you can order the cds if you're still into those.

i was pondering last night from the depths of my arts & craft room in the basement how much i have, in my life, valued being alone. being by myself, only responsible for myself; oh the joy. hitchhiking alone, quitting jobs and moving, wandering the streets... and now i won't be alone again, really truly alone, for a very long time if ever. and i'm learning how to not be alone. i mean, yeah i'm still alone in my head, but it is not the same. and it's challenging to sacrifice that solo time. i guess there is something to the idea of putting oneself into a foreign territory. the learning can be incredible. realizing how much i can cope... and what i can accomplish. but ugh. sometimes i miss my home of aloneness.

anyway, this is as much depth as you're getting right now.

endless noms

what is with this weird global weather, eh? i mean, we've been lucking out over here with the endless almost-spring, but still. bit freaky.

went to the city this weekend, visited the wife in her new abode (i know, i thought she was going to stay in her little back pocket place too, but then she was wooed by a siren with three children and now she lives on the same block as field-in-bloom, and almost directly behind an indian cafe with amazing gluten-free goodies). it was higher on the scale of crazy than previous wifely abodes, but it worked out okay. the dumpling was pretty good, but spoiled. we went out for dinner a couple of times so she got to sit on the floor with my keys and the queen's iphone set to the brian eno app that makes music. she was remarkably well-behaved, but i paid for it today when i wouldn't let her touch my iphone and she actually had a little tantrum. first tantrum. oh the milestones.

i'm getting bored of the food she eats. seriously. i'm nearly at the point of disliking avocado. and she eats way better when she and i share food (but not dishes or spoons, hellz no), but i don't care. fuck lentil soup.

the queen has a toothache. he got it checked out, and it's really expensive work; he doesn't get benefits for two weeks, so it's some crappy waiting. it sucks watching someone you love in pain when you can't fix it. damn it, why am i not a dentist. oh yeah, a million reasons.

i feel sincerely impatient with autocorrect, melting&re-freezing ice, wet pant bottoms, food under the high chair, politicians, making other people food, things that plug in and that annoying cross between a whine and a wail. also, the recycling. it GETS IN MY WAY.

i think my bottom lip is sticking out right now. i'm going to have a glass of wine. it's five o'clock in saskatchewan - mrs awesome should pour herself a drink too.

parenting for one year: check.

the dumpling is officially one. it was a pretty good birthday weekend, although we are turning into one of those households the queen and i didn't want to live in: too many plastic toys :( she did receive one wooden rattle with a snazzy orange handle, which of course she loves and plays with all the time. and truckloads of pink clothing. thank goodness my old friend from high school brought a bag of awesome hand-me-downs from her kidlet, which included a john deere hoodie and some tiny orange carhartts, so we still have a balance.

we took the dumpling to her first public pool experience. she was all "biggest bathtub ever! holy crap!" and had a great time. a small portion of the queen's family came out (the rest all working, or vacationing in various warm and/or more exciting places than this) and my parents drove down, and some friends from the city came too, which made it super fun. at the end of the day, i thought the dumpling would pass out from all the craziness, but of course she was too overstimulated and sobbed instead. a huge bowl of rice cereal eventually did the trick, after which the queen and i passed out on the couch.

to celebrate surviving one year of parenting, we picked up a nice bottle of oban scotch. we're simple folks :)

now the dumpling suddenly seems huge, with many skills. although she still needs me to operate the puppet and hold the tiny cardboard books, so no escape yet.

full moon my arse.

bad day. not the kind that leaves a scar, just, you know:

throwing something at the garbage and missing;

getting peed on (and then forgetting to change my pants);

a baby who doesn't want to eat but still has a bottomless pit;

a cat who flees early in the day and isn't seen again for hours (someone knew when to clear out);

getting up two hours earlier than normal for no reason in particular;

that empty feeling of nothing to look forward to;

forgetting the recycling when going for a walk, checking the mail but it's empty;

not doing yoga;

being plagued by dishes and laundry all day;

cold toast;

cold coffee;

near tears;

burned the grilled cheese sandwich that was supposed to make me feel better;

the newly cleaned high chair getting exceptionally dirty (wet dirty, how obnoxious);

poop;

apathy.

trying to list the good things, or at least the bad things that haven't happened, but it feels like thinking of starving children in africa just to make myself feel less pathetic, you know? bad days are bad days, no matter what the scale. some days i don't care if there is food in my fridge. i know i should but i don't. so what if i didn't break a glass? woo me. so lucky.

i don't feel comfortable with the plan for the near future, so it's difficult to look forward to something. and true to myself, i don't have a plan i would prefer, i just don't like the one we are making.

okay, there's my witticism-free late night post. onward and hopefully upward.

winter? what winter?

hi blog! i've actually been up to stuff!

we spent a lively weekend; at the farm for friday, hosting a lovely bijoux on saturday (i made alfredo sauce from scratch - cream cheese baby. cream cheese...) and went to my very first auction on sunday afternoon!

bijoux's mom runs an antique shop and is an old hand, but i was all excited as a newbie, and bid on the cutest little rocking chair for the dumpling - kind of an easy-glide rocking chair, covered in a dark olive green velour!!! so gnomy. it now seats the dumpling's teddy bears.

our auction experience was complete with western-dressed auctioneers; they were pretty mellow and only talked about four times as fast as i do when i'm excitedly talking to a girlfriend with whom i haven't spoken in months. also, there was a creepy man (balding with long hair and a greasy hat, long beard and a forest-bear demeanour. he wouldn't have been creepy except he was) bidding on old china dolls. when he won one he brought it back to his seat and took its hat off. i thought he would then fondle the doll but he fondled the hat. i know eh? people continue to surprise.

i've been doing yoga in the day. i'm pairing it with an episode of twin peaks so that i don't get caught up in how healthy it all is. seriously; twin peaks. if you haven't yet, please do. singing madmen, dancing dwarves (i mean little people), hilarious early nineties' fashion, soap opera mockery, and david duchovny as a cross-dressing DEA agent. thank you, david lynch. your surrealism cannot be beat.

this all seemed wittier and more exciting in my head, but that's how i roll i guess.

omg did you know national film board of canada shows videos on their website? yay childhood memories revisited!!!

so, a couple of days passed with this blog entry unpublished as i tried to think of something cooler to write. now i'm thinking i'll just publish it. and be lame. thank you, thank you.