off to the chem lab

well, the stuff that had me occupied in the previous entry kept me busy for a while. eventually i expressed myself enough (often in the form of complaining, though there was some observation and confusion as well) and to the right people (this was the key bit, i think) and 'processed' it. i now strongly dislike that term.

my favourite quotes from friends include: "good ruckus turned to dark ruckus and took a number of lights down with it" and "freaking out is not part of your emotional process. it's just freaking out".

now i have an anger hangover.

the queen is back in less than a week. i have a friend coming by with her hypo-allergenic dog for a li'l visit, and we have visits out to the farm for the next couple of days to water the dogs and flowers. when he gets back, we are off to visit the awesomes. it feels like a family reunion, the first one since that time we all got food poisoning :)

it's been interesting to be sans queen for the past couple of weeks. i find myself enlightened to be seeing what has changed in my behaviour, and what has stayed the same. the dumpling has claimed an extra passport photo of his and kisses it. it breaks my heart to see that affection she is maintaining for the queen.

i'm finding myself, both personally and socially, interested now in how to solve common challenging circumstances. i've spent time observing and identifying what usually fucks me/us up, now i want to problem-solve.

how do i/we deal with intrusive shit? what are "friendly barriers" we can build, how can i strengthen my support beams?

- emotionally
- logically
- crisis planning

don't diss the beige

holy crap!

went to a nice little festival, and it was two thirds a nice little festival and one third a total shit show. and which third do i carry home in my tummy, roiling around like a wounded weasel? that's right.

fortunately (for me) none of the (i'm going to use other people's words here, since it was their shizzle) 'intensity', 'drama', 'heartbreak' or 'unresolved anger' was mine. unfortunately for me, tension doesn't have to be mine for me to feel it, feed it and bring it home.

i'm going to do that bitchy thing now and not give any details out about anyone else's life. i know, i lead you on and then i leave you hanging. i can at least tell you that since i'm already upset about shit, i will do my best to witness some kind of process for those desiring some kind of process, and leave those alone who are asking to be left out of it.

... and maybe lay to rest the poor weasel who never did anything unweasel-like to anyone, yet somehow got dragged into this whole thing.

the queen is heading off to ireland in less than a week, for a three-week family trip (the dumpling and i were invited, but there are stag parties and other events that helped me decide to hold off and do a separate trip years later, with more b&bs and less pubs). during this time of solace and neatness the dumpling and i are going to spend a few days up in the city, take in a day of music festival, and of course i am planning to train her in my witchy ways. but that happens every day, so it's not really news.

after the queen returns, we will head off to visit the awesomes. i look forward to a more peaceful time, with less drinking, less yelling and just as much music.

one interesting thing about the festival is that our campsite saw two different lifestyles, and i got to watch the citizens interact. i saw ignorance, compassion, missed opportunities, new friendships, some people getting judged for other people's actions (and i saw that too much for my own comfort - i don't like it when people get lumped together), awkward sharing ("here, i made you some bacon... oh, you're vegan..."), and the neutrals.

i love the neutrals. we are a secret tribe who find something pleasurable in everyone. we tend not to be offended, and sometimes you don't remember our names, but you generally think of us as nice people. when mixing two different cultures together at one campsite, having neutrals heightens the chances of success. because we are neutral, we tend to blend in, so you might not know or notice that we help smooth the rough edges. we tend to blend in with our group, but that's sort of the point. we blend in with your group too. 

daily meanderings

hey hey!

we've been experiencing the epic heat wave that's been going around, but we just received 24 hours of sweet, sweet rain. now it's humid again, but my spirits have been lifted.

speaking of lifting spirits, a friend came to visit with her two kids this past weekend and we had tons of fun and some tiredness. her children are 2.5 and 0.9, so there was much peeing and spreading food around the house. in one day, we went to the playground, the grocery store, a restaurant for lunch, the kiddie pool and a four-year-old's birthday party. that's a lot of socializing and public venues. i don't know how the babes slept that night, but i sure passed out (after drinking with my friend until 2am, in the entryway, amidst candles).

the dumpling is super cute. her current favourite game is being chased; i sometimes have to move out of the way as she picks her escape route (which is often under the kitchen table). she's still a sworn scooter, but has allowed us to pry one hand loose from her as she walks, so maybe she's on her way after all. i suspect she will put off walking until one day she sees something totally awesome and my back is turned. so bring on the clowns. (okay, actually no. i mean, if you're a friend of ours and you're a clown, that's great, but don't hire some creeper, okay?)

she has become the ultimate picky toddler eater. i don't even want to get into it, but i will tell you i am desperately trying all the stuff from this dr sears guy. she likes watermelon, bananas, mac n cheese (the organic kind, i swear), cheddar bunnies, and other small animal crackers (fortunately with a bunch of toppings like cream cheese and peanut butter). that's it. she has decided to hate even yogurt and her old favourite, oatmeal. so sad.

anyway, i have nothing much to say but feel as though i've been ignoring you. so here you go. take it easy. 

and then there was the end of my day

ah, the inevitable low-down. hello, bummedness! it hasn't been long enough.

today i watched miss marple and ate. good food! spinach salad, tomato beef stew with pasta, rice crackers with almond butter and tiny pickles, apples, mandarin oranges, toast with avocado (and toast with cream cheese, and toast with red pepper spread).... and then there were the gluten-free cupcakes - chocolate of course, and the end-of-day snack; a rice bowl with braggs and veggies. cuz, you know. snacks are part of a healthy diet. mmhmm.

it was like i actually grew a hollow leg, which usually only happens to other people. that is seriously three times as much as i tend to eat.

the dumpling ate right alongside me, except, um, the cupcakes. chocolate is so bad, you know. i better eat it all, just to err on the side of cocoa-sated, conscientious parenting.

she doesn't really like raw spinach either. so far, she draws the line right after cucumber, and pretty much before any other vegetable (unless it's cooked). more of a fruit and bacon kind of child, you say? no no no, it's early yet! her predisposition toward lentils and hummous might really take her places!

but yeah, the post-festival low.

i talked to some people, and laughed with the dumpling, and spent time outside. the day passed. i kinda miss... stuff. my old life. decompressing all week long in the city, from the fair, with the other fancy, dancy people. having the time for that. being in the same space as more people i do these kinds of things with.

le sigh. 

mosquito bites on my sunburn!

listening to the american analog set whilst the dumpling naps.

we got home from a wonderful fair last night, and pretty much slept in the doorway. picking up the dumpling from my parents' was a lovely moment. she had clearly enjoyed herself but still needed to touch us a lot. i told her i concurred completely.

i did accomplish all i set out to do!

- wander off
- get drunk in the middle of the afternoon, then sleep it off and party at night (i did this on the sunday, after completing my volunteer hours)
- rock out volunteering with lockup (schlepping forever! and a day!)
- participate in the informal lost n found of the fair (lost my toque, found a flashlight)
- swim in the river (oh god. really. god. god was the entire river. i found religion and it is the driftpile river.)
- eat smokies and bacon
- eat fresh fruit
- laugh hysterically
- do the stage tour, where i see every band for twenty minutes, and find many good souls along the way
- take care of other people (and then other people took care of me. oh the wonders of it all.)
- wear my faery wings (leading to the stage manager calling me 'wings', which i really enjoyed.)
-wear rubber boots! it finally rained sunday night, so there was mud. i know the dumpling would have rocked it, but i'm sure she rocked the bowls of water my mom set out for her every day. water = best kid toy ever. bowl and spoons are a close second.

the music was, of course, fantastic. fred penner was ill and absent, but the mad bomber society and tzadeka both play a wild live show, and the bits i caught of snfu, flying fox, mike dunn and whoever those guys were who were rocking out the volunteer party were all fabulous. also, the kitchen party looked really hot.

now i am missing the fair. i am not sad yet; aiming for happiness but probably achieving desperation... nonetheless, enjoying myself. desperately.

there were highlights, but they are strange and inexplicable (even i didn't understand what was with all the clubbing). i hope that my peeps got home safe. some i know are still up in the city, and the awesomes might be facing power outages and funnel clouds.

so it goes; onward. enthusiasm flags and is renewed. 

i know where my towel is

just in case you were wondering, it's still hella windy here. the wind blew in clouds, and then blew them around, after which it rained. then the wind blew the clouds away, so now it's sunny and windy. repeat. (it makes the trees look like they are freaking out.)

the wife came to visit! she is so unwife-like - it looks good on her. that's what happens when you quit cohabitating i guess. your wife is no longer your wife, but she's still hot. but to dub her my ex-wife makes me sad. are we separated? booooo!

with the so-called wife came batdog, the wife's mom and another gnome, one i've missed. last night, we had a small fire with the scrap wood from the bus insulation job and listened to the coyotes howling.

today they left, and i felt sad. i got over it, but it made me realize that i do miss other gnomes. the gnome home run was an epic one. half a block of friendlies! sometimes too friendly! since the bulldozers ran through the properties, the wife's mom calls it the 'gnome hole'.

the fair is this weekend! four hazy days away from the dumpling, who is hollering right now from the ring of neglect. she really enjoyed the company. she blossoms, really: i think she's a partier. she will be partying with my parents - good luck to them.

packing for the fair is exciting: bring summer things, including swimsuit for the river. bring winter things for the night time. bring rainy things, because it will very likely rain. bring costumes. bring camping supplies. bring flask. bring shit-eating grin. if you're looking for us, we'll be at the back left (not stage left, left from where you stand at the entryway, dazed) by the swimming hole. although who knows where i'll be, really. i've heard the steam pod is going to be all sweet and non-political this year. sounds awesome.

pack towels. 

mondays are always weird

the weekend has been deemed successful.

we spent friday night out at the farm with our sweet lady hank. it rained all night and the sound of rain on a school bus roof is fantastic, let me tell you. so much so, we got a late start to the city, and showed up to the three-year-old's birthday after the clouds had rolled in, so no swimming for the dumpling. she did get to play in the purplesand box though, and probably still has purple sand in several tiny pockets of her invisible filth cloak.

and we got to eat many food items and have a "parents round" of tequila shots at the end :)

the dumpling and i met up with my mom and hung out for a bit, and the queen (who i'm considering re-naming brutus) went to the blues jam, from which he did not really return until the next morning (there were two glimpses of him in the interim, but i am determined to consider those sightings to be holographic images).

i was pretty exhausted saturday night. i'd been staying up late every night this past week working on the spoken word piece for fieldinbloom's album (that will be out on vinyl! but not for like, a year, because the second side is with his new band, so they need to tighten up first). we stayed at fieldinbloom's place and i wanted to hang out, but after a couple of glasses of wine, i followed the dumpling to bed and slept so well, i was up at seven the next morning, all chipper. it was strange.

sunday afternoon i went and did my piece at the studio. they liked it, but i wish my lungs were in better shape. no deep breathing, no yoga, no bike rides makes this mom a weak singer :( oh well. my arms are getting buff.

coming home last night was fabulous. laying on the couch in an old sesame street t-shirt with the queen after the dumpling retired for the evening with her precious blankie... oh my.

today i am enjoying myself, which is harder than it should be, but oh well. hammock, blogging, and listening to SNFU because they are playing the fair in a couple of weeks and it is so much more fun to know the music. i have already completed my daily house tasks, and a curried pumpkin soup is bubbling gently in the slow cooker (parsnips! water chestnuts! coconut milk!).

if you are pissed off at the idea of waiting a year to hear the song i contributed to, i can't share the neat drum beat and cool guitar bits, and i would feel weird sharing field's lyrics, but here's the line of mine he liked the best:

we can't set you free without you