day four

i think i'm past the super cranky detox stage! now into the "are we there yet?" sad sighs. the community bus took us into town this morning, and we had to walk past all the goodies (baddies). so we bought strawberries for the queen and i (and cheddar bunnies for the dumpling). also, detox tea, lemons, broccoli. sigh.

are you aware "they" make rainbow bread? a loaf of bread dyed all the shades of easter, available at the co-op. it's really messed up. "did you get your daily dose of yellow no. 4? try our freshly dyed bread!" creepy.

i had a wonderful dream about ordering a milkshake. in the end, i couldn't get espresso for it, which made me sad. i think i got mango instead. even my dreams are decaffeinated. i distinctly remember wanting three shots of espresso. i could visualize the layers...

the dumpling is getting quite fervent in her pointing, but sometimes i think she just points to get a reaction. either that or she's excited about things i can't see. i suppose that's a reasonable option. current favourite destinations for her crooked little finger include the ceiling fan, the guitar, and our cat, but only when she sits on the fence outside the kitchen window and stares at us. peeping tom cat.

we're contemplating driving up to the city, but i'm sort of bored with the idea. since the wife works weekends, we don't really see her anyway. fate is plotting to fill all of the houses we can stay at with dogs (i'm allergic) and newborn babies. no thanks. there's one friend i should call though. and it would be nice to see her. it's just such a long drive, and it's supposed to be so nice this weekend, who wants to spend it in a car?

day two

the queen and i are doing a detox. no booze, smoke, coffee, sugar or junk food for the foreseeable future. it's just been a little too fun lately, so we thought we should bring more clean living into our days. we went out last weekend with the queen's brother and bijou to see a "doors" cover band, it was hysterically funny. i can't even get into it. faux morrison was dressed to the nines - leather pants, hair style, etc. but yeah, i got a bit too happy :( i even bailed on the gluten-free and ate pizza! scandal, i know. so no more toxins until i'm happy without them.

the coffee is pretty hard for me. i'm having trouble waking up, and then i'm having trouble falling asleep. last night i was up until four. it was super fun waking up this morning.

the queen got a root canal today too. poor guy. i'll be puréeing his soup this evening. i'm pretty focused on fresh vegetables and herbs for the duration of the cleanse (there's oregano and sage in the soup), but it was snowing AGAIN this morning, and i just had to cook something up. plus potatoes are pretty weird raw. i've done it, but i was hitchhiking. there weren't many options. i stopped at one. raw onion was pretty fun too.

but i digress. not that i have anything to -gress back to. five hours of sleep yay!

all things something else

i have been avoiding talking about all the feeling stuff for a while; my life's evolution, my purpose, my level of satisfaction about all things not dumpling. most of my life i have found value in processing my emotions, but right now i am finding value in the opposite. i feel better keeping busy. i do have time now to "figure something out" but i would rather not. i'm not sure it's the most valuable way to spend my time right now. i don't think i would benefit from mulling anything over right now.

or maybe i am just avoiding facing something. either way, i think i have tended to err on the side of dwelling for most of my life, so whatever. let it go for now. if there's an elephant in the room, it will probably still be there.

when the awesomes left last weekend and the smoke cleared, i discovered that a little bird left four squash in a bag for us. i roasted them last night; two to be blended up for the dumpling, two went into a nice soup last night with beef, onions, mushrooms, cumin, s&p, some freshly grated nutmeg and a touch of molasses. our sudden spring snow yesterday evening made it a good day for a stew like that.

snow was still falling this morning, making spring seem like a dream, or today like a nightmare. not a terrifying wake-up-screaming dealio, more like the depressing, repressive kind where you eat grey food and wake up feeling like you've been taken by the borg. but even with all this greyness, i can't keep still. i'm going to wash the basement floor and bake something with these seriously brown bananas. i've already unpacked my summer shoes because i DON'T CARE IF IT'S SNOWING IT'S STILL SPRING. WINTER IS NOT ALLOWED. thank you.

all things dumpling

the tiny cutie deserves a whole entry.

most nights, after she is asleep, i miss her. yes, i know, this is ridiculous.

she has increased her scooting speed enough that the queen put up the baby gate today. sadly, it separates the cat from the cat food. oh well. more importantly, it separates the baby from the stairs.

she now says "puppy", although i've noticed that she will learn a word, say it for a few days and then store it away somewhere (hopefully) and move on.

the way her face lights up when she sees the queen, either of the grandmothers or any small person is enough to make your heart soften to room-temperature butter.

a friend of ours picked her up a pink pegasus costume, which she looks adorable in. of course, since she looks adorable in everything, i'm sure you assumed.

the queen plays "chase" with her, and i am her escape vehicle. she, of course, has to stop and turn around every now and then, to make sure he is still chasing (sometimes he "falls asleep" in the hallway, like a dragon of fairy tales). in related matters, she hugs me fiercely, which i appreciate and reciprocate.

so yes, she flirts, smiles, dances, eats, drinks, sleeps and scoots in a very little dumplingish way. since we started feeding her a huge bowl of rice (and quinoa and oat) cereal every evening, she happily sleeps through the night.

her favourite foods are toast and avocado, lentil soup, fruit snacks, and all things carbohydrate. she dislikes stringy foods, like sweet potatoes, homemade canned peaches, and usually but not always, bananas.

she is this big: when seated on the bottom step to get her shoes put on, she can touch the floor with her tiny toes. of course she is seated on the edge of the step, not far back. don't be ridiculous - she's not that big. although the queen has an obsession with her size - her back is huge, she is a very big girl, even her tiny boogers are ginormous to him.

if anyone could bring world peace through cuteness, i suspect (and i am not biased, no) it would be this little dumpling.

mud is glorious

so!

the house was warmed by our lovely visitors! then we took off to the awesomes' place and warmed their house. it got downright hot out there! the littlest possum had a birthday, the older possum had a concert (she sang "your cheatin' heart" by hank williams, and totally rocked it), mrs awesome played a show AND there was childcare, which i totally took advantage of. the dumpling came through loving life even more (if possible) and has finally learned some mobility - she scoots. sitting on her bum, pulling herself forward with her hands. poor large-headed grublet, it's so tough balancing a watermelon on a peroghy.

it finally feels like spring (i think i said that a couple of weeks ago) - muddy, breeze from somewhere other than the north, choice in jackets not limited to wool or lined... the windows open, the flies coming to life, the cats coughing up fur balls... i hope to let the spring into my blood. i hope to come to life as well.

things n stuff

i'm getting visitors this week! a few people stopping by on their way to and fro, and the wife is bringing bat dog for two days! we are all very excited. the house needs some fresh air. i love how after people visit, you can look around your house and see them there.

spring has sprung - it is snowing, but the snow is melting. yeah. went through spring clothes for the dumpling.

i am losing the war on pink. the dumpling's wardrobe has, i think, more pink than not. there are some fabulous non-pink things that i (and she, mostly cuz of the zippers) love her wearing, and there are even a few cute pink things. but when half the laundry is pink, it's a bit weird. for me, anyway.

i signed up to volunteer at a festival this summer, and arranged for the dumpling to go to "festival of grandparents" on the same weekend. it will be the first time since before christmas that i will be dumpling-free overnight. i can't even think about what that means. my pre-baby brain (what's left of it, anyway) boggles in astonishment.

the queen and i did our taxes tonight. it was pathetic and terrible, but at least tomorrow i can mail them and they will be gone. i find the government very pissy today. they can suck my hangnail.

anyway.

an entire post to get to one question

how do you deal with a zealot?

and to clarify, i don't mean 'how do you change the mind of a zealot' or 'how do you deal with the fact that there are zealots in the world; making decisions, "teaching" your children.'

how do you actually connect with a zealot? communication. i mean, i don't actually want to hear what a zealot says. my bias, apart from any biases the other might have, prevents any clear-headed understanding of what they are saying. i just hear what will support my judgments.

... which is, essentially, my definition of current-day zealotry (historical zealotry being perhaps different, non?). i looked up the wiktionary definition of being zealous and realized that i am actually referring to being overzealous. i fear passion; specifically, i distrust how it blocks the voice of caution (i'm not going to say 'reason'. i don't believe in that word anymore).

i know that caution can cause accidents. going too slow on the highway, being too slow to convict a hitler, etc. i have no reason to distrust passion more than caution. i'm not sure if i am even capable of separating passion from desperation.

how do you deal with that part of yourself that wants something so strongly it won't see any other option?

in other news: click if you need a mantra for your anxiety or if you are looking to renew the reality in your writing.