all things something else

i have been avoiding talking about all the feeling stuff for a while; my life's evolution, my purpose, my level of satisfaction about all things not dumpling. most of my life i have found value in processing my emotions, but right now i am finding value in the opposite. i feel better keeping busy. i do have time now to "figure something out" but i would rather not. i'm not sure it's the most valuable way to spend my time right now. i don't think i would benefit from mulling anything over right now.

or maybe i am just avoiding facing something. either way, i think i have tended to err on the side of dwelling for most of my life, so whatever. let it go for now. if there's an elephant in the room, it will probably still be there.

when the awesomes left last weekend and the smoke cleared, i discovered that a little bird left four squash in a bag for us. i roasted them last night; two to be blended up for the dumpling, two went into a nice soup last night with beef, onions, mushrooms, cumin, s&p, some freshly grated nutmeg and a touch of molasses. our sudden spring snow yesterday evening made it a good day for a stew like that.

snow was still falling this morning, making spring seem like a dream, or today like a nightmare. not a terrifying wake-up-screaming dealio, more like the depressing, repressive kind where you eat grey food and wake up feeling like you've been taken by the borg. but even with all this greyness, i can't keep still. i'm going to wash the basement floor and bake something with these seriously brown bananas. i've already unpacked my summer shoes because i DON'T CARE IF IT'S SNOWING IT'S STILL SPRING. WINTER IS NOT ALLOWED. thank you.

all things dumpling

the tiny cutie deserves a whole entry.

most nights, after she is asleep, i miss her. yes, i know, this is ridiculous.

she has increased her scooting speed enough that the queen put up the baby gate today. sadly, it separates the cat from the cat food. oh well. more importantly, it separates the baby from the stairs.

she now says "puppy", although i've noticed that she will learn a word, say it for a few days and then store it away somewhere (hopefully) and move on.

the way her face lights up when she sees the queen, either of the grandmothers or any small person is enough to make your heart soften to room-temperature butter.

a friend of ours picked her up a pink pegasus costume, which she looks adorable in. of course, since she looks adorable in everything, i'm sure you assumed.

the queen plays "chase" with her, and i am her escape vehicle. she, of course, has to stop and turn around every now and then, to make sure he is still chasing (sometimes he "falls asleep" in the hallway, like a dragon of fairy tales). in related matters, she hugs me fiercely, which i appreciate and reciprocate.

so yes, she flirts, smiles, dances, eats, drinks, sleeps and scoots in a very little dumplingish way. since we started feeding her a huge bowl of rice (and quinoa and oat) cereal every evening, she happily sleeps through the night.

her favourite foods are toast and avocado, lentil soup, fruit snacks, and all things carbohydrate. she dislikes stringy foods, like sweet potatoes, homemade canned peaches, and usually but not always, bananas.

she is this big: when seated on the bottom step to get her shoes put on, she can touch the floor with her tiny toes. of course she is seated on the edge of the step, not far back. don't be ridiculous - she's not that big. although the queen has an obsession with her size - her back is huge, she is a very big girl, even her tiny boogers are ginormous to him.

if anyone could bring world peace through cuteness, i suspect (and i am not biased, no) it would be this little dumpling.

mud is glorious

so!

the house was warmed by our lovely visitors! then we took off to the awesomes' place and warmed their house. it got downright hot out there! the littlest possum had a birthday, the older possum had a concert (she sang "your cheatin' heart" by hank williams, and totally rocked it), mrs awesome played a show AND there was childcare, which i totally took advantage of. the dumpling came through loving life even more (if possible) and has finally learned some mobility - she scoots. sitting on her bum, pulling herself forward with her hands. poor large-headed grublet, it's so tough balancing a watermelon on a peroghy.

it finally feels like spring (i think i said that a couple of weeks ago) - muddy, breeze from somewhere other than the north, choice in jackets not limited to wool or lined... the windows open, the flies coming to life, the cats coughing up fur balls... i hope to let the spring into my blood. i hope to come to life as well.

things n stuff

i'm getting visitors this week! a few people stopping by on their way to and fro, and the wife is bringing bat dog for two days! we are all very excited. the house needs some fresh air. i love how after people visit, you can look around your house and see them there.

spring has sprung - it is snowing, but the snow is melting. yeah. went through spring clothes for the dumpling.

i am losing the war on pink. the dumpling's wardrobe has, i think, more pink than not. there are some fabulous non-pink things that i (and she, mostly cuz of the zippers) love her wearing, and there are even a few cute pink things. but when half the laundry is pink, it's a bit weird. for me, anyway.

i signed up to volunteer at a festival this summer, and arranged for the dumpling to go to "festival of grandparents" on the same weekend. it will be the first time since before christmas that i will be dumpling-free overnight. i can't even think about what that means. my pre-baby brain (what's left of it, anyway) boggles in astonishment.

the queen and i did our taxes tonight. it was pathetic and terrible, but at least tomorrow i can mail them and they will be gone. i find the government very pissy today. they can suck my hangnail.

anyway.

an entire post to get to one question

how do you deal with a zealot?

and to clarify, i don't mean 'how do you change the mind of a zealot' or 'how do you deal with the fact that there are zealots in the world; making decisions, "teaching" your children.'

how do you actually connect with a zealot? communication. i mean, i don't actually want to hear what a zealot says. my bias, apart from any biases the other might have, prevents any clear-headed understanding of what they are saying. i just hear what will support my judgments.

... which is, essentially, my definition of current-day zealotry (historical zealotry being perhaps different, non?). i looked up the wiktionary definition of being zealous and realized that i am actually referring to being overzealous. i fear passion; specifically, i distrust how it blocks the voice of caution (i'm not going to say 'reason'. i don't believe in that word anymore).

i know that caution can cause accidents. going too slow on the highway, being too slow to convict a hitler, etc. i have no reason to distrust passion more than caution. i'm not sure if i am even capable of separating passion from desperation.

how do you deal with that part of yourself that wants something so strongly it won't see any other option?

in other news: click if you need a mantra for your anxiety or if you are looking to renew the reality in your writing.

stuffed-up doze.

i'm sick - again, still, dunno, who cares. don't need your sympathy (unless it comes in the form of dumpling-care) just want to disclaim any misuse of semi-colons.

linkety links: have you heard that meme about how women are half the population, blah blah blah and own less than one percent of the property and make one tenth of the money etc etc etc? it's apparently false. who knows what's true, but that's false.

next: have you listened to some odetta recently? please do.

gee, what else?

we were watching "three days of the condor" recently. i love how in the 70's, orange was a government colour. all the film CIA, FBI, WTF, they all have cheesy orange walls and "futuristic white" chairs. how wonderful. in the past, the future was funky.

i de-cluttered a particularly cluttered part of the house last week. i really think there needs to be a big ceremony and some ribbons when i do this: i feel like i've accomplished a major feat against insurmountable odds. the feeling is rather short-lived; the white space in our house is some kind of vacuum for stacks of papers and piles of tiny picks and screwdrivers. but for a moment there - it kind of looked like other people's houses when i go visit them.

the chinook is incredible - we got a huge load of snow (when they close parts of the highway named after the queen, things be snowy) last week, and had maybe two days to play in it before the warm winds came and magically turned it all into a river down our street with a lake at the t-intersection. the dumpling enjoyed stomping in puddles (sort of stomping. okay, nibbling with her toes).

anyway. this week's dream is to pitch in with a friend who wants to buy a campground and turn it into a permaculture educational thingie. hug your cat.

narnia?

so we went into the nearby, larger town on the community bus yesterday. it's mostly elderly women and us. the dumpling is a highlight of the journey for the rest of the bus crew of course. and as she has become more accustomed to it, she has started to speak up and demand more busyness on the trips. the freedom from the carseat is pretty fun for both of us.

on this most recent trip, the regular driver was away, and the substitute driver is a retired marathonist or something, because we were hoofing it! bumps and revs and passing other vehicles like they were horses. imagine a short bus zooming past you on hwy 2; elderlies clutching to the handles for dear life, baby bouncing around...

when i started this post, the dumpling was sitting in an empty laundry hamper, victim of a teddy infestation. now she is chilling by the toy box, playing with a plastic handmedown.

i am starting to dream of summer - gardens, festivals, and of course hank the bus. the queen is going back to the home country with his parents and some of the siblings. originally, the dumpling and i were going to go as well (she still flies free) but after some thought and dialogue, i decided to pass on the adventure and just chill here. but where will here be? i intend to have my driver's license by that time, so we can take little road trips or we can go stay somewhere, like the awesomes' or my parents' place (i haven't asked either of said parties but i'm pretty sure we would be well-received). but there's the cat and the (as of yet hypothetical) garden, and my peace of mind, which i'm pretty sure resides in my craft room in the basement. we'll see. maybe a drive out to the mountains and a houseguest or two.

have dreams. plant seeds.