aww, everyone is being supportive. you guys are so sweet! reader support; i never knew it could feel so good. i got this beautiful c-birth story sent to me, which was absolutely perfect, plus it introduced me to the offbeat mama website, which seems pretty lovely.
we have the ecv scheduled for tomorrow. the chiropractor seems pretty hopeful, the midwives encouraging. i'm trying not to be too attached, but it would be nice if i could come home with a baby in vertex position and continue planning my homebirth.
we were at the pool yesterday (somersault, somersault) and there was a little munchkin hiding in the lockers while her mom got dressed. it was like a toddler version of "you can't do that on television":
"oh mommy?"
"yes pumpkin?"
"i is hiding!" *slam!*
this weekend, we are planning to head up to edmonton for a handfasting and a party. we were going to stay with the wife, but she has to move suddenly because her house is leaking everywhere. i haven't seen it, but an entire wall of the attic has ice all over the inside. it is raining in her dining room. so we're scrambling a bit for a place to stay. it's funny, because it's offers at this point (incredibly pregnant, last-minute, winter) that really show you who your friends are. there are people who are saying "oh, of course!" who have absolutely no room, and people who are saying no because, you know, it's inconvenient for them, they had plans... and people i am not even bothering to ask. and the wife, who is packing up against the tide, who had to cancel all her childcare so is basically out of a job as well, is still trying to help us find a place. now that's a sweetie. seriously. if there were a respectable sainting organization on the planet, i would nominate her.
it got me thinking about friends; i spent years in a "community", but sometimes the community is a bunch of selfish assholes. when my friend who is under house arrest for the next two years came to the city for a month, almost no one came to visit her. i mean, this is a woman who is legally prevented from going out, who is being dressed up to look like a terrorist because she has organized non-violent actions against corporate control of natural resources and government inaction, and all the community she spent years helping to grow could do was provide lip service and facebook support.
that got me thinking about family. i don't post about my family a lot, because there isn't much of it left (dad died, mom remarried, sister took off) and it impacted me mostly in ways of fear and isolation growing up (there was always a crisis, which doesn't automatically mean there isn't much family support, but that's what it meant in our home). my mom and i have gotten closer over the years, as she has finally had time to breathe and my hormones have matured, but our closeness is based more on mutual respect than affection or affinity. still, she is supportive. and i feel that as my birthing time grows closer. i feel grateful.
i know the patterns of my family have contributed strongly to how i relate to people now, people i am supposed to be close with. i know there are people i am not closer to and it's not their fault. it's just continually surprising who it is who asks me how i'm doing, how i'm feeling, and who doesn't. who helps when i really need it, and who just helps when it's convenient for them. who actively helps when it's inconvenient for them - wow, these people are awesome.
which one am i?
January 18, 2011
January 16, 2011
crisply depressed; like deep fat fried emotions
let me start this post off with a musical recommendation for those among us who are feeling depressed, with shout-outs to this sweetheart and this poor sod (who wrote and starred in a cool video but man does he ever seem low). seeing these people depressed reminds me we don't have to be ugly or poor or otherwise destitute to feel depressed. they honestly seem like smart folks, and they're both cute. depression: illness for the successful among us. (it seems to help to live in a developed nation, and perhaps be white.) i wonder if all of us were dropped into circumstances of extreme physical challenge, would our emotional problems resolve themselves in a poof of perspective? likely.
we are who we are. i thought being pregnant was rough, but now i think facing an imminent c-section when i'd planned for a home birth is way, way rougher. no doubt there is a corner i could turn whereupon this reality would feel like a fucking parade.
most of the time, the old "hey, it could be worse" option does not make me feel better. like drinking water upside down to cure the hiccups, it's been used one too many times for it to be effective any more. but every now and then (usually just after things have gotten worse) it feels like the truth it is.
i've been feeling totally wrapped up in my own problems, which aren't major on a scale of zero to "is your baby dead?" but merely disappointing like "oh, your vacation got cancelled. sucks." and reading the poor sod's blog while not terribly enjoyable nonetheless sparked in me the reminder that not everyone is wrapped up in my pregnancy. thank god.
(side fear: what will stop me from becoming domestically disabled? i mean, today i made cake to solve my problem. gingerbread cake. with whipped cream and pineapple. it actually worked - i feel way better. but i fear this blog will turn into "this is what my baby did today" and "great new recipe, guys!" do we really need another blog like that? i really prefer the "read this, listen to this, try this emotional process it worked for me" kind of blog i have maintained up til this point. which i suppose we also don't need more of. anyway.)
where was i? oh yeah, not defined by being pregnant - still human, just with a kicking dolphin brewing escape plans out the emergency hatch of my uterus, instead of the door. human. which, given that it's a windchill of minus thirty outside, would probably involve cake and goulash (well, sort of goulash - some substitutions ended up happening) were i empty-of-womb.
really, the major difference with me now and me not-pregnant is that i would probably have gotten stoned today. which would have made for a fuzzier entry. admire the crispness. and listen to the song; it's all i can share since you aren't coming over for cake. at least i've spared you a tale of how difficult it was to clip my toenails today.
we are who we are. i thought being pregnant was rough, but now i think facing an imminent c-section when i'd planned for a home birth is way, way rougher. no doubt there is a corner i could turn whereupon this reality would feel like a fucking parade.
most of the time, the old "hey, it could be worse" option does not make me feel better. like drinking water upside down to cure the hiccups, it's been used one too many times for it to be effective any more. but every now and then (usually just after things have gotten worse) it feels like the truth it is.
i've been feeling totally wrapped up in my own problems, which aren't major on a scale of zero to "is your baby dead?" but merely disappointing like "oh, your vacation got cancelled. sucks." and reading the poor sod's blog while not terribly enjoyable nonetheless sparked in me the reminder that not everyone is wrapped up in my pregnancy. thank god.
(side fear: what will stop me from becoming domestically disabled? i mean, today i made cake to solve my problem. gingerbread cake. with whipped cream and pineapple. it actually worked - i feel way better. but i fear this blog will turn into "this is what my baby did today" and "great new recipe, guys!" do we really need another blog like that? i really prefer the "read this, listen to this, try this emotional process it worked for me" kind of blog i have maintained up til this point. which i suppose we also don't need more of. anyway.)
where was i? oh yeah, not defined by being pregnant - still human, just with a kicking dolphin brewing escape plans out the emergency hatch of my uterus, instead of the door. human. which, given that it's a windchill of minus thirty outside, would probably involve cake and goulash (well, sort of goulash - some substitutions ended up happening) were i empty-of-womb.
really, the major difference with me now and me not-pregnant is that i would probably have gotten stoned today. which would have made for a fuzzier entry. admire the crispness. and listen to the song; it's all i can share since you aren't coming over for cake. at least i've spared you a tale of how difficult it was to clip my toenails today.
January 14, 2011
both of us can turn
ah, winter. the bottle of something-or-other that i've been looking at out the window to gauge the amount of snow was completely buried this morning.
that's a decent analogy for my emotional state right now. i keep doing these breech exercises and the little dolphin keeps turning, but only from side to side; turning, not flipping. meanwhile, i feel all stretched and awkward. between the weather (which complaining about will net me a barrage of more northern alberta comments; they're colder than us) and the hopefully-not-pointless, every-few-hours exercises, i do not feel like visiting anyone, getting any groceries, or doing any dishes. i am not sure what exactly i feel like. getting drunk maybe, or rolling around in green grass. things that are not an option, though this webcomic reminds me (sort of) that someday i will be able to do these things.
in the meantime, do the things i can, i guess. bake muffins, go to the pool. maybe things i can walk to, because the roads must be terrible today. ah, terrible roads. at least we aren't moving in weather like this. texas across the street is moving (we've named the house texas because of its red white & blue theme, complete with stars. lone stars.) and i feel compassion for them. snowing makes everything except baking and cuddling more difficult. pregnancy makes cuddling more difficult. i finally started to dream that i was pregnant (my belly was getting in the way and i was talking about my midwife to someone). maybe that's some kind of good emotional sign for flipping the dolphin.
i have begun to cozy up the room i want to birth in. hanging woolen blankets and moving birthing supplies and our seven(?!) newborn baby hats into it. making it mine, making it smaller and more inviting. acting as if.
is it bad to drink two cups of coffee today? not every day, apparently, but since i won't be running for a bus today (walking to the pool will have to do) then i am going to just use the same grounds in the espresso machine to brew a second cup. i don't drink it every day. and i don't want the energy, i want the smell. fuck decaf, btw. it does not smell the same. on the bus trip i was getting half-caf lattés and they tasted half as yummy.
okay. so we've deduced that since we can't do what we want to do, we will do what we can. i think this is strength - the kind of strength that makes lions lay down. closely related to fortitude, this is my favourite comment on the post i made on schmacebook regarding the breechy mcbreecherson: "what a kick in the ass! I really hope baby turns for you and you can have the experience you are wanting. Whatever happens though, make sure you own your delivery, even a c section; it is your journey, unlike anyone else's. Sending you baby turning vibes."
right on. my journey. hey, all the exercises are good for me anyway.
that's a decent analogy for my emotional state right now. i keep doing these breech exercises and the little dolphin keeps turning, but only from side to side; turning, not flipping. meanwhile, i feel all stretched and awkward. between the weather (which complaining about will net me a barrage of more northern alberta comments; they're colder than us) and the hopefully-not-pointless, every-few-hours exercises, i do not feel like visiting anyone, getting any groceries, or doing any dishes. i am not sure what exactly i feel like. getting drunk maybe, or rolling around in green grass. things that are not an option, though this webcomic reminds me (sort of) that someday i will be able to do these things.
in the meantime, do the things i can, i guess. bake muffins, go to the pool. maybe things i can walk to, because the roads must be terrible today. ah, terrible roads. at least we aren't moving in weather like this. texas across the street is moving (we've named the house texas because of its red white & blue theme, complete with stars. lone stars.) and i feel compassion for them. snowing makes everything except baking and cuddling more difficult. pregnancy makes cuddling more difficult. i finally started to dream that i was pregnant (my belly was getting in the way and i was talking about my midwife to someone). maybe that's some kind of good emotional sign for flipping the dolphin.
i have begun to cozy up the room i want to birth in. hanging woolen blankets and moving birthing supplies and our seven(?!) newborn baby hats into it. making it mine, making it smaller and more inviting. acting as if.
is it bad to drink two cups of coffee today? not every day, apparently, but since i won't be running for a bus today (walking to the pool will have to do) then i am going to just use the same grounds in the espresso machine to brew a second cup. i don't drink it every day. and i don't want the energy, i want the smell. fuck decaf, btw. it does not smell the same. on the bus trip i was getting half-caf lattés and they tasted half as yummy.
okay. so we've deduced that since we can't do what we want to do, we will do what we can. i think this is strength - the kind of strength that makes lions lay down. closely related to fortitude, this is my favourite comment on the post i made on schmacebook regarding the breechy mcbreecherson: "what a kick in the ass! I really hope baby turns for you and you can have the experience you are wanting. Whatever happens though, make sure you own your delivery, even a c section; it is your journey, unlike anyone else's. Sending you baby turning vibes."
January 11, 2011
hydrogen or helium?
okay, i need to actually blog, with emotions and all that.
i feel really sad about the baby being in breech. i want to have a home birth. i want this baby to pass through the canal and join the world having felt a little pressure. i want to know that experience for myself as well. i want this to change my life, not in a surgical way but in an opening way. i want to feel the pressure and the tightness and the release.
i am accustomed to finding the silver lining, finding a way to be okay with whatever happens. i am probably better at adjusting/accepting than at creating what i want. i don't feel very skilled at bringing about the changes required to get what i want in this case. but i want it enough to try, to risk doing all this work at turning the baby and failing anyway. this is hard to own up to. this is another kind of vulnerability that i have worked hard to avoid facing.
i am also tired of being pregnant. and yet still pregnant for four more weeks, give or take. i am getting lost in all the priorities; eat well, drink well, move around enough, not too much or in the wrong way, do the breech exercises, read up on all the choices we have to make (strep b antibiotics? vitamin k drops? blah blah blah?), continue to abstain from all the things i have already been abstaining from for a long time, collect baby supplies (which brand of cloth diapers? how many onesies? where do we get diaper pails?), collect birthing supplies (which we may not need if we are obligated to hospital birth our breechy mcbreecherson), rest, get the house in order both for us and for baby, deal with the stressed out cat who occasionally pees on my floor (she has NEVER done this even though we've moved several times in her life, and of course now is the perfect time to start), remember my relationship with the queen (knead the bread of love), accept visits from his parents and mine, talk about the baby to all my friends, communicate with the baby, relax, practice the breathing-for-birth exercises, read up on the birthing and baby care... i just pick up and put down the priorities, and don't have a clear idea of what is more important than what else. it really seems to depend on my perspective. i'm not sure i have perspective anymore. i guess there is a me in all that, but i don't see her.
and i want to stay upbeat and positive because now is not the time to get all mopey, but i'm tired of staying upbeat: i feel like i'm in some kind of spotlight which i sometimes enjoy because i get more attention and have been inaugerated into this club of pregnancy survivors (it's fun to belong, a rare feeling for me), but also would like to be able to take off the dress and go hide in the cloakroom like i have been able to for my life up til now. there is no off button for pregnancy. and i am REALLY annoyed when people cheerfully tell me that 'this is the easy part, wait til you're a parent!'
oh thanks. that really helps me look forward to it. c'mere, you have something on your face...
i feel really sad about the baby being in breech. i want to have a home birth. i want this baby to pass through the canal and join the world having felt a little pressure. i want to know that experience for myself as well. i want this to change my life, not in a surgical way but in an opening way. i want to feel the pressure and the tightness and the release.
i am accustomed to finding the silver lining, finding a way to be okay with whatever happens. i am probably better at adjusting/accepting than at creating what i want. i don't feel very skilled at bringing about the changes required to get what i want in this case. but i want it enough to try, to risk doing all this work at turning the baby and failing anyway. this is hard to own up to. this is another kind of vulnerability that i have worked hard to avoid facing.
i am also tired of being pregnant. and yet still pregnant for four more weeks, give or take. i am getting lost in all the priorities; eat well, drink well, move around enough, not too much or in the wrong way, do the breech exercises, read up on all the choices we have to make (strep b antibiotics? vitamin k drops? blah blah blah?), continue to abstain from all the things i have already been abstaining from for a long time, collect baby supplies (which brand of cloth diapers? how many onesies? where do we get diaper pails?), collect birthing supplies (which we may not need if we are obligated to hospital birth our breechy mcbreecherson), rest, get the house in order both for us and for baby, deal with the stressed out cat who occasionally pees on my floor (she has NEVER done this even though we've moved several times in her life, and of course now is the perfect time to start), remember my relationship with the queen (knead the bread of love), accept visits from his parents and mine, talk about the baby to all my friends, communicate with the baby, relax, practice the breathing-for-birth exercises, read up on the birthing and baby care... i just pick up and put down the priorities, and don't have a clear idea of what is more important than what else. it really seems to depend on my perspective. i'm not sure i have perspective anymore. i guess there is a me in all that, but i don't see her.
and i want to stay upbeat and positive because now is not the time to get all mopey, but i'm tired of staying upbeat: i feel like i'm in some kind of spotlight which i sometimes enjoy because i get more attention and have been inaugerated into this club of pregnancy survivors (it's fun to belong, a rare feeling for me), but also would like to be able to take off the dress and go hide in the cloakroom like i have been able to for my life up til now. there is no off button for pregnancy. and i am REALLY annoyed when people cheerfully tell me that 'this is the easy part, wait til you're a parent!'
oh thanks. that really helps me look forward to it. c'mere, you have something on your face...
January 8, 2011
whoda thunk not having a life would feel so good.
well, even if i wasn't in nesting mode, the blowing snow warning and blizzardy conditions covering two provinces would probably drive me inside anyway.
it's nice to have a home to retreat into. i organized my sewing (not as good as actually sewing anything, but hey - i reintroduced myself), baked more banana bread, and have plans for chili, cornbread and a bath in my fresh clean bathroom later today. maybe while listening to glenn gould play bach, which the queen has on vinyl, which is yet another reason he is the queen.
the queen's parents popped by today and i think i made quite the impression. "your son? no, he went to saskatchewan for the weekend (to visit the awesomes). i was just out shovelling the walk at eight months pregnant. cup of tea?" he's going to get an earful from his mom about leaving me alone. it's funny, because i want to tell her that as much as i have missed him (daily bouts of moroseness around eight pm have brought me to tears two days in a row. pregnancy or dependency? the polls are open), i quite enjoy time to myself and i was also quite enjoying shovelling the walk. i think time apart is vital for any relationship, but especially one that is under more pressure than usual. baby-in-a-crockpot pressure definitely counts.
my parents are coming down tomorrow, roads permitting, and the queen is returning home as well. tonight is my last chance to do loud things at two in the morning when i cannot sleep. there is something so satisfying about rattling around in the kitchen while the town sleeps.
wow, i am so boring. wanna hear about my turning-the-baby exercises? no? how about my pissed off cat? shocking. you people are clearly far too busy. sit down and listen to me pour on about things that only matter to me, and only for the next month. come on. this is what life is all about.
it's nice to have a home to retreat into. i organized my sewing (not as good as actually sewing anything, but hey - i reintroduced myself), baked more banana bread, and have plans for chili, cornbread and a bath in my fresh clean bathroom later today. maybe while listening to glenn gould play bach, which the queen has on vinyl, which is yet another reason he is the queen.
the queen's parents popped by today and i think i made quite the impression. "your son? no, he went to saskatchewan for the weekend (to visit the awesomes). i was just out shovelling the walk at eight months pregnant. cup of tea?" he's going to get an earful from his mom about leaving me alone. it's funny, because i want to tell her that as much as i have missed him (daily bouts of moroseness around eight pm have brought me to tears two days in a row. pregnancy or dependency? the polls are open), i quite enjoy time to myself and i was also quite enjoying shovelling the walk. i think time apart is vital for any relationship, but especially one that is under more pressure than usual. baby-in-a-crockpot pressure definitely counts.
my parents are coming down tomorrow, roads permitting, and the queen is returning home as well. tonight is my last chance to do loud things at two in the morning when i cannot sleep. there is something so satisfying about rattling around in the kitchen while the town sleeps.
wow, i am so boring. wanna hear about my turning-the-baby exercises? no? how about my pissed off cat? shocking. you people are clearly far too busy. sit down and listen to me pour on about things that only matter to me, and only for the next month. come on. this is what life is all about.
January 5, 2011
some things are upside down.
two chunks of news.
one is homeish: settling in nicely, starting to make large batches of food and freezing it. so far, a good spicy turkey soup (which we ate so much of because of the cold we both had that only one tupperware made it into the freezer) and a nice pasta sauce. plans are at work for a salsa and a chili. the queen cut up some steaks and froze them as well. we're planning to use the dehydrator and making our own jerky (jerky is one of those pesky things that seem to have gluten in the store brands all the time). the rooms are shaping up, though still have far to go. the cat has an updated license and has begun to venture outside. it's nice to have an outdoor cat again - she was going crazy and bringing us with her.
the second chunk of news is baby-related: the little gymnast, though having been head-down at the last midwife visit, has turned into the breech position. this sucks, as in alberta, it means a probable c-section under the care of an ob-gyn. my midwives will still be able to be present at the "birth", and i am allowed to try and birth the baby vaginally, but the ob-gyn calls the shots. i am disappointed, but it's still early enough (35 weeks) to retain hope; try and get the baby to turn on its own. i have a plethora of homework to do, including moxibustion, swimming, laying with my hips up to convince the baby that's where up is (which i was doing a lot on the bustrip and not since we got of the bus, so hopefully starting that up again will do the trick) and visiting a chiropractor to make sure my hips are open enough and comfortable for the baby to hang out in. our option if that doesn't work is to go to the hospital and try and get the baby turned by a doctor, which presents a small risk of damage to the baby but less than the risks associated with a c-section. first thing first, off to have an ultrasound and confirm the head's up.
the midwife says i don't have the biggest uterus, but it's still big enough that the baby could turn around easily. so all is not lost. i would really like to birth the baby at home. we have been collecting all the goodies required and i have been reading the hypnobirthing book and getting really excited. so this is a bit of a blow, but i am focusing on the options available to us. stay tuned to see how the baby decides to birth.
in other news, i walked around town today (experiencing a bit of a chinook) and noticed some cute small town things. one, the bar is called the zoo, and its tag line is something about the local wildlife. har har. also, they're advertising an ac/dc tribute night - in november. right on. must've been really great.
two, the post office is attached to the senior's centre. what a genius idea.
anyway, off to put my feet up and talk to the baby about somersaults.
one is homeish: settling in nicely, starting to make large batches of food and freezing it. so far, a good spicy turkey soup (which we ate so much of because of the cold we both had that only one tupperware made it into the freezer) and a nice pasta sauce. plans are at work for a salsa and a chili. the queen cut up some steaks and froze them as well. we're planning to use the dehydrator and making our own jerky (jerky is one of those pesky things that seem to have gluten in the store brands all the time). the rooms are shaping up, though still have far to go. the cat has an updated license and has begun to venture outside. it's nice to have an outdoor cat again - she was going crazy and bringing us with her.
the second chunk of news is baby-related: the little gymnast, though having been head-down at the last midwife visit, has turned into the breech position. this sucks, as in alberta, it means a probable c-section under the care of an ob-gyn. my midwives will still be able to be present at the "birth", and i am allowed to try and birth the baby vaginally, but the ob-gyn calls the shots. i am disappointed, but it's still early enough (35 weeks) to retain hope; try and get the baby to turn on its own. i have a plethora of homework to do, including moxibustion, swimming, laying with my hips up to convince the baby that's where up is (which i was doing a lot on the bustrip and not since we got of the bus, so hopefully starting that up again will do the trick) and visiting a chiropractor to make sure my hips are open enough and comfortable for the baby to hang out in. our option if that doesn't work is to go to the hospital and try and get the baby turned by a doctor, which presents a small risk of damage to the baby but less than the risks associated with a c-section. first thing first, off to have an ultrasound and confirm the head's up.
the midwife says i don't have the biggest uterus, but it's still big enough that the baby could turn around easily. so all is not lost. i would really like to birth the baby at home. we have been collecting all the goodies required and i have been reading the hypnobirthing book and getting really excited. so this is a bit of a blow, but i am focusing on the options available to us. stay tuned to see how the baby decides to birth.
in other news, i walked around town today (experiencing a bit of a chinook) and noticed some cute small town things. one, the bar is called the zoo, and its tag line is something about the local wildlife. har har. also, they're advertising an ac/dc tribute night - in november. right on. must've been really great.
two, the post office is attached to the senior's centre. what a genius idea.
anyway, off to put my feet up and talk to the baby about somersaults.
December 30, 2010
home shweet home
boxes unpacked, internet set up, first piece of mail received, cell number changed, addresses mostly updated (if you don't have my new contact info and want it, message me), cat acclimatizing, record player set up.
we did an insanely large grocery run. i have never filled a cart so full. we'll be eating for months, we have tp til the kid graduates... i have tended to live thus far in tiny houses, with many hippies and no storage space or money, so this whole pantry-to-ourselves, buy-in-bulk-to-save-money concept is new to me. we'll see how it goes.
both the queen and i have come down with colds, which sucks ass. i am nursing a cup of horrid, make-you-feel-better tea, and wearing a tuque and scarf on top of my bathrobe. i can hear the queen coughing and clearing his throat. my nose is red. ah yes.
i had so much to say ... of course it's all stuffed into a tiny, unused corner of my brain, competing with mucous. i survived christmas, and moving, mostly because i didn't do much except thank other people for either of those occasions.
moving into the new place has been wonderful; the queen and i each have our own spaces as well as shared space, and we really like it. it's lovely to share a house with my love, after four weeks of sharing a room followed by twelve weeks of sharing a bus followed by ten days of being homeless together. nothing like insane lifestyle choices to give one perspective on how wonderful life can be. also, sharing can get very interesting when you don't have as much.
i wish i was sleepy as well as tired so i could go to our comfy bed and fall asleep. maybe i will try anyway, and wax on poetic some other day. self-care at its most glamorous.
oh yeah, first: read zora neale hurston, and listen to alberta hunter. i plan to do more of both. also, if you have one, pet your cat.
we did an insanely large grocery run. i have never filled a cart so full. we'll be eating for months, we have tp til the kid graduates... i have tended to live thus far in tiny houses, with many hippies and no storage space or money, so this whole pantry-to-ourselves, buy-in-bulk-to-save-money concept is new to me. we'll see how it goes.
both the queen and i have come down with colds, which sucks ass. i am nursing a cup of horrid, make-you-feel-better tea, and wearing a tuque and scarf on top of my bathrobe. i can hear the queen coughing and clearing his throat. my nose is red. ah yes.
i had so much to say ... of course it's all stuffed into a tiny, unused corner of my brain, competing with mucous. i survived christmas, and moving, mostly because i didn't do much except thank other people for either of those occasions.
moving into the new place has been wonderful; the queen and i each have our own spaces as well as shared space, and we really like it. it's lovely to share a house with my love, after four weeks of sharing a room followed by twelve weeks of sharing a bus followed by ten days of being homeless together. nothing like insane lifestyle choices to give one perspective on how wonderful life can be. also, sharing can get very interesting when you don't have as much.
i wish i was sleepy as well as tired so i could go to our comfy bed and fall asleep. maybe i will try anyway, and wax on poetic some other day. self-care at its most glamorous.
oh yeah, first: read zora neale hurston, and listen to alberta hunter. i plan to do more of both. also, if you have one, pet your cat.
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